The Greatest Love of All
By TheFearOne
"I have always loved you" these are the very words that I wanted her to hear from me. I have made myself some thoughts such as this before, thoughts that are seem so simple yet it always leave myself staringly dumbfounded just by thinking about it.
It was around 2 am in the morning, a freezing cold Tuesday of February in California I was violently shaken up by my thoughts. I tried to open my glary eyes, they are still sore of playing 5 hours straight of InfinityMu yet I tried to fight myself not to go back to sleep again. I had a mild glance of the black clock at the side of my bed that had been my companion for those 5 years that I had spent staying here for work. The numbers are still the same just like all those five years I am staying here in this apartment.
While looking into the numbers trying to decipher it, I suddenly realized that today was that day, the day that i had planned two years ago. I vigorously stood up, got my phone to check it out for some messages and check the forums just like my regular routine, all seems well and I feel very excited of the server anniversary tomorrow.
The cold was still biting into my feet and in my hands. I swear to God, I never felt this level of freezing cold before,in the back of my mind i was thinking perhaps the US is trying to give its last farewell to be through this. While waiting for the water to heat up I opened the news to see whether the weather is good or bad because for today I will embark for a twenty-hour journey of a lifetime. I have packed all the necessary things such as my clothes, things I needed and most especially the "pasalubong" for my nephews that I bought in Costco two days ago.
As I am about to finish preparing, I heared a car stopped in front of our building with the grunt of a beastly big-block. I peeked through the window to see who it is, it was dark and the only source of light was the street lamps at the other side of the street giving an incandescently yellow gloomy tint to everything outside. After a while Bryan, my good friend of mine called, I was about to be picked up and be driven by him to the LAX, a measly twenty four minute drive and also the last quarter hour i have left to say goodbye to friends, mates and the place for this time i will be going home.
I have already put my bags near the elevator now is the time to say goodbye, I hurriedly went back to my apartment, took one last glance and take in one last deep breath in and exhale. Sighs! I'm glad I'm going home now and I am certain that I will miss this place.
Bryan took me in in his car and on our way to the airport I tried to call as many friends as possible to say my thanks and bid my farewell. I say my farewell to Bryan too, he is such a nice friend for me all over the years I have been here in the US. He was then a good mate both in-game and in real life, a friend worth keeping for.
I found myself sitting in the chair in the pre-departure area of the LAX with a hot latte on my hand, just the smell of coffee sure gives me a temporary relief before the compulsory jetlag of the flight. I looked upon my surroundings and saw a lot of people waiting for their flights too, different nationalities and different destinations. I thought perhaps we share the same feeling of excitement of going home. Just the thought of home, it makes me feel warmth, love and a sense of belonging-ness. The warmth of a mothers hug...
It seems to be a dream despite the bitterly cold weather I feel warm, then i hear...someone is calling me... "Mr. Vincent Cardinal Please Proceed to Terminal 4" and the voice keeps repeating itself, fading in from a faint soundless whisper to a deafening roar!
Oopsie! I have fallen asleep... I knew too much playing of InfinityMu is bad and the lack of sleep is crippling my body. I gathered my senses and hurriedly rushed to terminal 4 for my flight. I sat in seat 34E near the window, it was utterly dark and cold outside all that I can see are the lights of the wings of the aircraft. I have seen the airport crew prepared our plane for the taxi, they detached everything. I thought for a while, these people seem so selfless, doing their own expertise to keep the flight safe and I wonder if ever one day I could do the same for my family.
As the airplane started to take off, I took a glance at the view and bid my last farewell for LA. This will be the last moment that I will be here and my return will be uncertain. The long eighteen-hour journey has begun, so does the thoughts and questions that lingers in my mind. After all, today is February 13th and tomorrow is Valentines Day. Some travelers would say that "it doesn't matter how fast you will be arriving at your destination but what is important is how you take on the journey towards that destination.
Eighteen long hours, I tried to sleep and rest as much as I can in order to feel refreshed as soon as arrived in the Philippines. Four hours into the flight, the economy seat is quite comfortable, the sun was up I can feel it. I opened the window and took a peek outside, all I can see are endless clouds upon clouds. I wonder if these clouds will be soft to touch, whether they will be cold or wet. I had never touched a cloud. I closed back the window and thought to myself the next time I would be opening that window is when I arrived at the Philippines.
I took out my phone, the same phone I had when I left home and at the back of the case was the picture of my mom. I cannot avoid but to think of it, knowing that I would be back to the Philippines today I wondered for myself what would be her reaction the first time she will see me after those five long years in spent in the US. Would she be surprised? would she feel good that her son came home? I cannot help myself thinking of those times when I and my siblings were still young, she would care for us to the utmost of her abilities. There is this one time that I knew she was so tired of doing all the house chores yet she still finds time to help us in our studies and I have seen her gave her food to us just to satisfy our feeling of wanting more even when she is hungry she does not complain. Also, the first time I have seen her deeply moved by a movie we watched together as a family and the happiness she felt when she received her first ever birthday card from me. I always look upon my mom as a hero, a protector where I can feel safe, an advisor and a go-to shoulder to cry on and to share problems whenever I had one. She taught me all I needed to learn to survive as an adult, the same way her parent taught her. We might both from different generations yet we both together share the same connection.
I have never been too vocal about my feelings about her nor she is to me. It has been always like this since I was young, whenever she had financial problems with our school fees, her body aches due to the house chores she had done or problems in her health, she never says a word about it. I just thought it would be okay that she would share the burden with us but we never heard any complain nor a word about it. Yes, I have never been too vocal about my feelings about her and I hope upon arriving at the Philippines I could at least say to her in person what I wanted to say that is...
I was woken up by a sudden voice saying "We have arrived at Ninoy Aquino International Airport", I can feel that my plump tissues at my back end getting numb for those hours of sitting. Eighteen long hours seems like forever if you are very excited about something. Those were tired and jet-lagged, I opened the window and see that I indeed arrived in the Philippines safe and in one piece, it was dark, all I can see are the lights from the airport and nothing beyond it after all its almost near midnight. NAIA is seemed so crowded today but the weather is fine, a mere contradiction of the bitterly cold February I had experienced a while back in the US.
I tried to get up of my seat and prepared to disembark the plane. I know and I expected that its either my Mom or my brother will be fetching me from the arrival area of the Airport since they both knew I would be coming back. I cannot contain my excitement and happiness to see them after all those five long years. No words can describe my feelings at this very moment, as I waited for my luggage. My mind started to wonder again about my Moms reaction when she sees me. After all,she was the one who really stood up against my decision to go to the US five years ago yet despite her will to not to go, I went and charged ahead. I had never said my farewell to her before going to the US, so my mind really wonders whether she will forgive me or she will scold me just like what she does when I was still young.
I hurriedly went to the departure area and I find only my brother...no mom. I thought she is maybe preparing food at home that's why she can't fetch me at the airport just like what she always did when I was still working in the Philippines. My brother was overjoyed and glad to see me, he was happy I can see it in his smile. We gave each other's hug, a sign of brotherly loved that we had as siblings.
I got to his car, while we are traveling I noticed that my brother is quite uneasy and he seems a bit worried, I tried to observe him to the point that I cannot help myself to ask "what is the problem? is there a problem" he just replied "No, not at all" but he still feels uneasy. As he drives i tried to look around, Manila never changed that much, it is still the same as before. Then came the intersection where supposed to go right to my village, instead of slowing down, he still continuously drove through the intersection. I asked him "isn't that intersection of our village," he said "yes, but there is something that we need to go first". Immediately, negative thoughts flooded my mind, anxiety hit me hard like a punch in a dead smack to my face that everything that I had during my flight seems slowly fading away, the happy thoughts and mom...
I tried to lift up my spirits maybe my family prepared a grand return surprise party for me in another venue that's what I thought but as I looked upon my brother he seems not that excited instead he is a bit worried. I asked "didn't you prepare a party for my return?" he just replied, "No, just no need worry mom would be happy to see you". Bounded by his words, I just trust my gut feeling. Instead of a party that I have expected it was a bit different We arrived at St. Lukes Hospital and we hurriedly went to the room where my mom was. We rode the elevator to the 11th floor and I would say that 18hour flight was nothing compared to the mere 75 seconds elevator ride. It seems like forever, the feeling of anxiety, of guilt and everything all in one moment. My eyes started to well up with tears, I fought negative thoughts about mom as they started to invade my mind. I am crying silently...
We went and enter the room. I saw my mom there lying in the bed with the different medical instruments attached to her. She seemed to noticed our arrival and opened her eyes. Her face is angelic as ever even at an old age, she took a glance of who her visitor was in the wee hours of midnight. Though, weak she gave me a good smile. I am crying from the depths of my heart, the feeling of guilt and sadness that I have felt over those years working in the US suddenly burst out like an erupting volcano. She told me to get close to her, then she gently pulled my ear near her face just like when we were young when we do bad things then I suddenly prepared myself for bitter words to hear but there was none all that I hear was "I am happy and you are forgiven for your stupid decision to go to the US, now take care of me just like as I take care of you". I was crying so hard, I am speechless for this is the first time ever that I have heard those lovely words from her. Despite crying and full of tears, I took a deep breath in and I told her "I am sorry, I have always loved you, Mom. Thank you for making me what I am right now". Then, amidst of the emotions and tears, my brother pulled out a bunch of lovely roses 70 of them in total to commemorate her age and we both greeted our mom Happy Valentines Day and hugged each other until the tears went away after all February 14 is soon to end in a few minutes.
Love is unconditional, omnipotent and it transcends the bounds of reality, it goes beyond words, meaning and time. It doesn't matter what kind of love it is, as long as you have the connection to that person. Just like a mother's love, it is sweet, warm, unconditional and both as a selfless sacrifice love can be described this way. As their children let us show our appreciation for their love and sacrifice that they have done since we are born. What we are now is our forever debt to our parents. For this moment maybe we are making our dreams come true and facing adult life and grow, but they are also getting old every day. Some people are longing for a mother's love. Let us be thankful that we have a mother who is always with us all along. Respect them at all times, be with her not only in her worst. but also in her happiest moments and best times of her life.
I hope this story will inspire infinitians for years to come and make us realize that Valentines Day/Hearts Day is not only our server anniversary and does not only reserved for those who has relationship. It is for our special someone who are dearly to us such as our Moms.
